Emotional Intimacy - Some Thoughts

What is your feeling when you are being criticized or being laughed at by someone you know very well?

Why do you feel immensely happy when you speak to your best friends even after years ?

Why do you become emotional (even cry) when somebody close praises you or shows how important you are to them ?

Why do you share your secrets with only a few people?

The answer to these questions is Emotional Intimacy.

This is how Wikipedia defines Emotional Intimacy: It is an aspect of interpersonal relationships that varies in intensity from one relationship to another and varies from one time to another.It can be expressed in verbal and non-verbal communication. The degree of comfort, effectiveness and mutual experience of closeness might indicate emotional intimacy between individuals. Intimate communication is both expressed (e.g. talking) and implied (e.g. friends sitting close on a park bench in silence).

Emotional intimacy is an age-old concept which is not to be confused with making love with your mate. However, emotional intimacy strengthens love relationships as it it does with any other type of close relationships. It is something, which if lacking, may lead to breaking down of relationships. Intimacy exists between people only when they have independent emotions and can validate each other's feelings.Otherwise, it can be referred to as fusion of personalities.

We discover our inner-selves only when we allow ourselves to experience our emotions fully i.e. when we become honest with ourselves. However, there may be feelings of  pride, anger, fear, frustration, sadness that become obstacles in contemplating oneself.


Emotional intimacy is needed for the feelings of support and trust to develop and continue.You are emotionally connected to a person when you can become vulnerable (read feel trusted) in his/her company.

We usually fail to express ourselves to the persons who are most important in our lives or whose opinion is what matters to us.We miss the ability to say what we want emotionally from our loved ones. On the other hand, small acts of affection are the best way of building and repairing emotional bonds.

If we are able to laugh at ourselves, we find our real-self and then we can learn anything and live anywhere in the world.

Feel the happiness when you discover yourself and practice emotional intimacy in relationships.

ALAM-E-SUFIYANA

When you listen to sufi songs, there comes a sense of relaxation, relief and spirituality. Moreover, the lyrics make you think how deep they connect with the music. 

A list of Sufi songs that have the best words and an awesome music. 

• Khwaja Mere Khwaja from Jodha Akbar
• Arziyan from Delhi 6 
• Bhoola Tujhe from Blue
• Ek Lau from Aamir 
• Kun Faya Kun from Rockstar 
• Piya Haji Ali from Fiza
• Bandeh by Indian Ocean
• Bandeh (Coke Studio) by Indian Ocean
• Bandya Ho from Khuda Ke Liye
• Bulla ki Jana by Rabbi Shergill 
• Bulla ki Jana (Coke Studio) by Rabbi Shergill
• Jugni (Coke Studio) by Arif Lohar 
• Jugni (Coke Studio) by Rabbi Shergill
• Teri Deewani by Kailash Kher
• Menda Ishq by Abida Parveen
• Ishq Layi Qurbaniyan by Satinder Sartaaj

ISHQ LAYI QURBANIAN

A Punjabi song titled Ishq Layi Qurbaniyan by Satinder Sartaaj and some events in the lives of people within my circle of acquaintance made me to scribble. The song is a satire on the changed meaning of love and compares today's relationships with epic love stories.

The so called Lovers of today's world won't sacrifice for love. Earlier lovers used to be loyal, now they have become more clever and materialistic. Love used to be worship ,lover used to be God and honesty and conscience were everything to a human being. Today , God's name is being sold and religion is now being turned into cash.

The love and affection for one another were matter of hearts and thus were the foundation of relationships. Now, relationships are either being drafted or crafted considering careers, assets and social status.
Ranjha became caretaker of bovines for years. Nowadays , kids with years into school make Girl Friends and Boy Friends in the name of love.
Unlike Mahiwal , nobody may even dare to save his/her partner when time is against them. Most of them in a situation like that will take it as a God's will.

The separation with the word BREAK-UP has now become a popular and frequently used one. While they are supposed to be crying when they see tears in each others' eyes , the lovers just move away smiling in the name of better futures. Some have more number of relationships than the number of years they have been living on the earth.

The so-called lovers seldom show courage and fight for the right. Some losers who cannot convince their crush become drunkards instead of moving ahead in life. They spend their evenings with alcohol and even sleep on with alcohol bottles.

There is no place for emotions in this physical world and if somebody talks about them, they are considered as big fools.


This post might have proved to be a sad one , but it is an outlook on the changing meaning of love. If love and good-self are taken in the actual context and are being given a true dedication by all , the world will become a better place to live.

The Art of Conversation (Being Garrulous)

I may have a habit of speaking bordering on the excessive side but I always hope that it will make others smile. Through my journey of life till now , I have come across some points that I have been able to collect and applied many of them in different situations. Sometimes, people feel confused when I use them to convey wit or sarcasm but at times, they have helped me to convey deeper things in fewer words.

• While conversing one should keep in mind two things : one , respect for the other and two, dignity for oneself.
• When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both.
• Cursing is invoking the assistance of a spirit to help you inflict suffering.Swearing on the other hand,is invoking,only the witness of a spirit to a statement you wish to make.
• An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.
• The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink.
• A sense of humor is critical for a happy life.It can ease pain,accelerate healing.reduce tension,win friends,enhance learning and make life a fun-filled adventure.
• The true spirit of conversation consists of building on another person's observation, not overturning it.
• There are only two ways of telling the complete truth--anonymously and posthumously.
• Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way.
• No body is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately.
• I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed.
• People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.
• Most people would rather be certain they're miserable than risk being happy.
• Jealousy is the fear or apprehension of superiority: envy our uneasiness under it.
• Don't worry about people stealing the idea.If it's original you'll have to ram them down their throats.
• Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself.
• Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
• The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

I like quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognized wiser than oneself.

Friendship between Man and Woman

The friendship between a man and a woman which does not lead to marriage or desire for marriage may be a life long experience of the greatest value to themselves and to all their circle of acquaintance and of activity; but for this type of friendship both a rare man and a rare woman are needed. Perhaps it should be added that either the man or the woman thus deeply bound in lifelong friendship who seeks marriage must find a still rarer man or woman to wed, to make such a three cornered comradeship a permanent success.


Thanks to one of my college mates for sharing the above lines

Journalism

I met a journalist and asked the reason one takes journalism as profession. The reply was :

Journalists (read honest / real journalists) join the profession only for PASSION.
"Journalism mein na paisa hai na izzat , bas ek junoon hai."