Emotional Intimacy - Some Thoughts

What is your feeling when you are being criticized or being laughed at by someone you know very well?

Why do you feel immensely happy when you speak to your best friends even after years ?

Why do you become emotional (even cry) when somebody close praises you or shows how important you are to them ?

Why do you share your secrets with only a few people?

The answer to these questions is Emotional Intimacy.

This is how Wikipedia defines Emotional Intimacy: It is an aspect of interpersonal relationships that varies in intensity from one relationship to another and varies from one time to another.It can be expressed in verbal and non-verbal communication. The degree of comfort, effectiveness and mutual experience of closeness might indicate emotional intimacy between individuals. Intimate communication is both expressed (e.g. talking) and implied (e.g. friends sitting close on a park bench in silence).

Emotional intimacy is an age-old concept which is not to be confused with making love with your mate. However, emotional intimacy strengthens love relationships as it it does with any other type of close relationships. It is something, which if lacking, may lead to breaking down of relationships. Intimacy exists between people only when they have independent emotions and can validate each other's feelings.Otherwise, it can be referred to as fusion of personalities.

We discover our inner-selves only when we allow ourselves to experience our emotions fully i.e. when we become honest with ourselves. However, there may be feelings of  pride, anger, fear, frustration, sadness that become obstacles in contemplating oneself.


Emotional intimacy is needed for the feelings of support and trust to develop and continue.You are emotionally connected to a person when you can become vulnerable (read feel trusted) in his/her company.

We usually fail to express ourselves to the persons who are most important in our lives or whose opinion is what matters to us.We miss the ability to say what we want emotionally from our loved ones. On the other hand, small acts of affection are the best way of building and repairing emotional bonds.

If we are able to laugh at ourselves, we find our real-self and then we can learn anything and live anywhere in the world.

Feel the happiness when you discover yourself and practice emotional intimacy in relationships.

ISHQ LAYI QURBANIAN

A Punjabi song titled Ishq Layi Qurbaniyan by Satinder Sartaaj and some events in the lives of people within my circle of acquaintance made me to scribble. The song is a satire on the changed meaning of love and compares today's relationships with epic love stories.

The so called Lovers of today's world won't sacrifice for love. Earlier lovers used to be loyal, now they have become more clever and materialistic. Love used to be worship ,lover used to be God and honesty and conscience were everything to a human being. Today , God's name is being sold and religion is now being turned into cash.

The love and affection for one another were matter of hearts and thus were the foundation of relationships. Now, relationships are either being drafted or crafted considering careers, assets and social status.
Ranjha became caretaker of bovines for years. Nowadays , kids with years into school make Girl Friends and Boy Friends in the name of love.
Unlike Mahiwal , nobody may even dare to save his/her partner when time is against them. Most of them in a situation like that will take it as a God's will.

The separation with the word BREAK-UP has now become a popular and frequently used one. While they are supposed to be crying when they see tears in each others' eyes , the lovers just move away smiling in the name of better futures. Some have more number of relationships than the number of years they have been living on the earth.

The so-called lovers seldom show courage and fight for the right. Some losers who cannot convince their crush become drunkards instead of moving ahead in life. They spend their evenings with alcohol and even sleep on with alcohol bottles.

There is no place for emotions in this physical world and if somebody talks about them, they are considered as big fools.


This post might have proved to be a sad one , but it is an outlook on the changing meaning of love. If love and good-self are taken in the actual context and are being given a true dedication by all , the world will become a better place to live.

Just A Thought

U have planned everything for something, all things in place. Then, u come to knw that all ur planning will go in vain. u feel discomfort but ur heart and mind is still inclined towards ur plan. Somehow, the things get right all the way and u are xtremely happy. Life is unpredictable.. xperience every moment.

EMPTY EYES

It was the marriage of my uncle's elder son.we reached uncle's house 5 days before actual marriage was to take place. When it comes to a north indian marriage there are so many little ceremonies and rituals b4 the BARAAT.It was not less than a small zoo when we reached there with so many relatives and i started bending down every 2sec/2 minutes for "pairi pauna".

I met one of my distant relatives.I had never met her. However, she blessed me and was very happy 2 c me. Then met her son. A young,tall and handsome guy who was older than me by 6-7 years, and the only son of a financially sound family.i started calling him bhaiya but the bond became more friendly within a day or two.

when only few days are left 4 marriage, bhangra and dhol become a part of daily routine in that house. every evening ppl dance and enjoy and the atmosphere is such that nobody can resist to b a part of it though it continues till late night.
Every evening, bhaiya and I were in the centre with the fist TAAL of the dhol. we danced alongwith several others, kids,cousins, aunts,uncles and parents of those uncles and aunts.soon we developed an excellent sync of bhangra steps. Bhaiya's mother always looked mesmerised when we were performing bhangra.On the day of Baraat, we danced for hrs till we reached the venue.we were really tired at that moment but soon realised that it was not the end. A DJ was playing there and that was an indication that we will not b spared. Forget the food, forget the cermonies , forget the meetings; all wanted us to b on the dance floor.


Four years later, it was the marriage of my uncle's younger son.I managed to reach there only a day before the baraat. this time i was not much interested in dancing but still could not resist the TAAL when i was forcefully pulled onto the dance floor.
Suddenly i noticed two eyes staring at me while i was dancing. Bhaiya's mother was there. She looked pale but was wearing an artificial smile.I went to her and asked 4 her blessings. She gave a smile that was a genuine one this time and blessed me with some words. The next thing she said ,"u r not dancing today ? where r ur steps?".

I went back to the dance floor and did the steps so that they would make her happy. but instead they made her cry as i noticed wetness in her EMPTY EYES which have drained after the death of her only son. He had died in a tragic road accident one year back.I felt the guilt in making her cry his son.being a mother she missed him every moment. probably she saw him in me and urged me to dance.She went out of the frame and i sat lonely on a side missing him too.

BIDAAYI SAMAROH

Walking down the memory lane during my 9th semester,i decided to type something opening notepad on my laptop and i was once again influenced by my belief in destiny.
as soon as the date sheet of final semester exams in NIT D came out, i booked the ticket for 1st may 09 afternoon so that i could leave before any of my nears and dears in the college. i thought that all of them will come to see off me at the station and i would not have to see the rona-dhona of final year. but i feel that my nears and dears prayed so much 4 me to stay 4 some more time in college that all my plans went in vain and i had to cancel my ticket due to unavoidable reasons.

Therefore,the whole thing was reversed.i had to go see off ppl to station and bus stops whom i had expected to come to station when i was supposed to leave according to my previous plan.As such i had to face all the things i had earlier wanted to avoid.

i was nt having final year blues like other final yrs but i had to witness plenty of them with ppl literally breaking down after losing their composure while saying good byes.

I would like to start from the last week of april. Almost all had finalised the dates they would b leaving the place where they spent their last 4yrs ,life's golden days.THough there were xams and project reports to b submitted , ppl didnt care of them as much as they did to spend the last few days with their friends.The booze sessions , treats, last hangouts and hangovers were of the utmost importance.Countdowns got converted from "__ days left" to "__ hrs left in NITD".Each night was a night out as many didnt want to waste the last moments sleeping and instead insisted to have long bhaat sessions.
there was silence in final yr hostel but an awkward silence. It was not a regular one like it happened during the other exam days. It was broken from time to time with the echo "fire in the hole". Yes, it was counter strike, the thing guys r going to miss the most in their post college lives.

The phase of scribbling on t-shirts and shirts became a usual affair during the last days.Moreover,the diaries that ppl wanted to have entries of ppl they would rarely meet again made up a pile on my table too.At that hour, everything flashed back, from the first meeting to the most recent one with that particular person.lots of movies, scenes and celebrations got retrieved in mind and that all consecutively, just to convey how fast the time passes.


A gtalk status msg was there:

Who says light travels the fastest , i could nt even trace how time went by... something of that sort.


KALKA MAIL 2311 1ST-MAY-09 : The people leaving by this train had arranged a bus from college to station.The bus was fully packed and it seemed like a whole convoy is leaving. it was noisy inside the bus with chattering ansd screams of ppl calling others' names when we boarded it but all went to a silence as soon as the bus started. the next 15 mins inside the bus were horrible for many.During these moments, tears instead of words told the stories of every individual and how much they would b missing the place and the awesome hostel life.Some ppl had already given up their compsure and were wetting the seats at front of the bus.Some,at the back seats were giving fake smiles as if others didnt know that they were feeling blue.I was making some last minute diary entries
The bus reached the stn and all become active again and we all reached the platform where the train was about to come.The atmosphere was unprecedented though everything was as usual as it is on 2-3 platform.suddenly there came crackling sounds. we turned around to see friendship slaps sessions going on.
the hearts started beating hard and fast with announcement of Kalka mail. this was the hooter rather than an announcement leaving some guys numb while others almost shattered.hugs, kisses and camera clicks and they were numerous when the train approached.the train stopped and the passing outs boarded. they wished that the train gets delayed and remains there.they wanted time to stop (which was impossible). with the green signal, tears started to flow again . some stepped down to hug his best ones one last time, boarded the train, stepped down again to hug again and finally boarded the train (it had already started moving). And there were shouts, "fir milenge", "_____ (place of stay) aayega to milna", "love you ", "miss you".
the outbursts were not only restricted to ppl who left but also with those who were at the platform. a person burst out into tears as the train went by .the person had maintained his calm from the time he boarded the bus. so one more down.


we returned to hostel late with some emptiness and fell to bed as we were extremely tired. Meanwhile, a notice board was already posted on googlegroup with all the info about who and how every1 is leaving. so the schedule was already decided for each day to come. everyday some ppl left weeping and crying. if they didnt cry @ final bye, the cried in train.
each person who was to leave made a pit stop at the jhoops where others had already assembled, met them and left.
by 4th may ,most of my good friends had left and i had to look out 4 ppl whom i can hangout with. Luckily i was never disappointed by my friends and acquaintances. It seemed that weeks have passed after they had left but it was only few days.
i bought one platform ticket and used it for the whole day.2-3 round trips a day to stn became a routine.the scenes of kalka mail repeated though at different hours of the day and with different ppl but the feeling was the same everytime.

Oh!This post is becoming too long. I just scrolled up to see hw much i had already typed and but still a lot to say which i would try to wind up quickly.

* at one instance, the train halted at the station longer than usual just to make possible the meeting of friends who were somehow late than the scheduled departure.
* A person gifted his/her most loved thing to his/her frnds.
* sleepless nights spent in hostel just to say adieu to ppl leaving early morning.
* deserted city centre, the most busy and popular hangout place.
* some body finally cried (after 5 days )as the train started moving.
* very high speed internet but only a few ppl online


on my side,i didnt find it that heavy,as i had expected. There are worse things in life to cry for. I was taunted by someone that "u r unemotional and y dont these farewells make u cry". I dont knw the answer.perhaps i was destined to witness all this.at some occasions, i found it difficult to keep calm but i somehw maintained.
ppl came up to me smiling, hugged me tightly and tears trickled down their cheeks.


i cant write more on this and i m leaving this post with these lines 4m a movie song



"kabhi jo milenge raaste, pal mein hi chamkegi hassi purani
to kaho kya kahoge fir humein, kaise chhupaoge nami ye palkon ki???"

SEND A HUG DAY

i was browsing through some ecards on a website when i came across the events in the week to follow and there was one named "21st jan- Send A Hug Day". i had never heard of such thing.


Lage raho Munnabhai explains the magic of a hug with a special name -- jaadoo ki jhappi.most of my frnds became senti when they were watching the movie.
watch out the video of " jiya se jiya (free hugs) by AR RAHMAN" and u'll find the joy of getting a hug.



THE BEST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE IS A HUG : ONE SIZE FITS ALL AND NO ONE EVER MINDS IF YOU RETURN IT.


a hug to all 4m my side.

All about GAJJJJABB

GAJJJJABBB.. this is not only a word. this is something else here in NIT-D.enter the campus, just say "aree gajjab" or "gajjab" whatever the way u like and ur presence will certainly b acknowledged by the ppl.however getting a full attention will depend on the situation or the place at which u r at that moment.the probablity is very high that u'll b greeted by another person saying "gajjab".


Gajjjjabb is derived from GAZZAB ,e.g. gazzab dhaana.but due 2 different tones , accents and usage it has finally been transformed to gajjab.it means something very special, awesome or gr8.it is an exclamation to different emotions.the way u say gajjab says abt ur mood.

Gajjjjabb in NIT-D has become a part of many people's life and has recently become one of the most popular lingos surpassing the other words which were used in common language.
The history of Gajjjjabb says that this word was invented when some students of hall4 of 2008 batch started using it everywhere after they were fascinated by bhojpuri.they seldom used their mother tongue in their conversations.moreover,they added the flavour of using the word Gajjjjabb 2 most of the sentences. one could listen to this emaohatic word at jhoops,technoe ,canteen wherever u go.soon the word propagated to junior batches and its usage to.the pioneers in this task were SMD trio of 2009 batch and this legacy is still being carried on to newer batches.

The word Gajjjjabb became more and more popular after a video of laloo prasad named LALOO'S ANGREZI showing one of his greatest speeches in Parliament while presenting the rail budget 2008.
The height of Gajjjjabb was when a puppy was named Gajjjjabb.its pic was taken and an orkut a/c was online .The puppy (of course the ppl who created its profile) used to scrap ppl and send them friend requests.

At present Gajjjjabb is everything 4 some ppl. Gajjjjabb , ek takiyakalam hai . Gajjjjabb is a greeting when u meet ppl.Gajjjjabb is a way of expressing themselve,their happiness , their troubles.Gajjjjabb is life here 4 them.The SMD trio along with many others has also constituted a cricket team named GAJJJJABB and is no doubt the most popular team of the college.


One thing is sure that who so ever was ,is ,or will b associated with this magical word Gajjjjabb can never forget the events , feelings and emotions related to it.

Thanx 2 all who feel they r related 2 GAJJJJABB...!!!!

A RENDEZVOUS with a BRIDE

The car with the bride sitting inside entered the resort and stopped nearby me.i was called up by a sweet voice from the car.it was the bride,my cousin.she had recognised me though we hadnt met each other for many yrs.we r not close relatives as we meet only during occasions and wedding ceremonies of our mutual relatives.but this time i was meeting her on her own wedding.
she had just finished up with her bridal makeup at some parlour and arrived at the resort where the wedding was to take place.the "baraat" ,as we call it was about to reach at the venue.
she called me again and this time i recognised who was calling me.i went near her and we exchanged greetings.she told me that she needed me to b with her as she was feeling nervous and her friends had not yet arrived.i agreed,obviously, and helped her reach the room where she was supposed to wait till the baraat arrives.
she was shivering perhaps due 2 nervousness though she was wearing a very heavy bridal dress.i made her sit and offered a glass of water to make her feel comfortable.god knows what was going through her mind on her wedding day.she now felt easy and relaxed.suddenly she clutched me and i was startled.her mobile was ringing.she picked up the fone and it was her elder sis.she talked to her and nw she seemed more relaxed.i assured that she was fine.i cackled a joke and she giggled.uuuhhh!!! now she was ok.soon we started chatting normally as we do whenever we meet and she started shooting a long list of personal and formal questions at me.
the room was a sort of greenroom with a large mirror.she looked into the mirror and asked me a question."how am i looking?".i hate to answer this question whenever a female asks me because u cannot say the correct answer.u have to spoof them always.but this time i said the fact.she was looking great.a beautiful and innocent looking bride."nobody else today will b so pretty ".she was very happy and pleased to know that.just then a thought retrieved into my mind.i smiled a bit and she noticed it and out of curiosity she asked the reason. i told her abt a wedding scene in "Pyar ke side effects" abt why does a woman marry? she laughed her heart out when i described the scene.
soon she started telling hw excited she was for her wedding.she had got the best wedding dress and jewellery of the town and above it she had manipulated more on her dress in order to look more charming.she started walking as if it was a ramp infront of the large mirror.i wondered she would have been in delhi for lakme india fashion week if it was not her wedding.she asked me the same question i had mentioned earlier and this time i convinced her that she was indeed looking beautiful.
the saying goes its way again."wherever the women r concerned the unexpected always happens".
a few moments ago she was so nervous that she was about to faint because it was her own wedding and now she is highly excited because its her own wedding.
her sis came inside the room and she was welcomed by the bride with the question that i had already answered twice.meanwhile there was a noise of crackers and band that signalled the arrival of the baraat.the unexpected happened again.soon both the sisters hugged and started weeping.

i tried to ease their moods again and was successful in doing that.soon we escorted the bride to the stage where her groom was waiting and then started the long procedure of photo sessions and rites and rituals.

from a girl's point of view, it is the irony of life.she has to live her life in two phases, in two different places,two different families, two different environments.

but u can experience a sudden change of emotions that too contrasting ones only in case of women

INTROSPECTION

i m writing on 3rg aug 2008, so first of all HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY .

i was not having a proper net access 4m last 2 days, so all my planning of sending wishes of friendship day (b4 any1 else could do it 2 me) went in vain to some extent.
0000hrs and my mobile beeped 4 an sms giving me a reminder of the day.

i found a note on friendship while i was surfing the net in the morning which impressed me a lot and made me think abt it ..


Anger is only one letter short of danger
If someone betrays you once, it is his fault;
If he betrays you twice, it is your fault.

Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people.

He, who loses money, loses much;
He, who loses a friend, loses much more;
He, who loses faith, loses all.

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature,
But beautiful old people are works of art.

Learn from the mistakes of others
You can't live long enough to make them all
yourself.

Friends, you and me...
You brought another friend...
And then there were 3...
We started our group...
Our circle of friends...
And like that circle...
There is no beginning or end...

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is mystery.
Today is a gift.
That is why it is called the present.

so much philosophy within a few lines..hats off!!!

DISGUISED SMILES ... :) ....????????????.

the following post is purely a matter of my philosophy and thoughts.its resemblance to anybody's life is thus coincidental.


chhotti classes ki hindi ki book mein ek chapter padha tha jiska naam tha hansi ke mukhaute. chapter ki kahani thi to bahut simple but was good enough to leave an impression on me.story to mujhe achhi tarah se yaad nahi but still i'll try to recall.

ek aadmi bahut dukhi hota hai but uske chehre pe kabhi ye xpression nahi aata ki woh andar se dukhi hai. uske ghar par jitne bhi log aate hain unse woh achhi tarah se muskurakar baat karta hai and njoys with them also.it gets revealed at the end of the story that his son had died and still he didn't disclose his feelings just bcoz he didn't want to spoil his guests's mood.but andar hi andar woh dukh ki aag mein jalta rehta hai just 4 his friends who were very happy at that time.
i repeat i don't remember the story but only the title.pata nahi achanak kahan se strike kiya ye hansi ke mukhaute and i started to type down as my thought process began.


sometimes i find this applicable to our life also when we just disguise ourselves in different characters without having an inner feeling of doin such a thing.pretending to b very nice towards someone when u actually critise at one's back,stuffs like buttering nd pampering.i find them awkard really.but ppl say they r essential if u wanna grow up bigger and faster in this materialistic world.
however,sometimes it becomes really difficult to withstand with ur inner feelings.u may have something in ur heart that makes it feel heavy but ur conscience says that u should give a smile to make somebody's day.
for xample,u've been thrashed by something nd still u smile hiding ur tears bcoz u know nobody is there to wipe them off and everybody to mock @ u calling u a coward.u r xhausted ur body breaking into pieces nd ur friends call u 4 a hangout.u can't resist bcoz u can't b a spoilsport and u move on with them. u spend hrs with them still u don't get any credits.
but don't care abt the world and the credits it will give u if ever they will realise ur value. if u can make someone feel happy nd u succeed in cherishing one's life u'll never regret.the thought that happiness on others face is due to ur smile will content ur soul itself.
so even if u r hurt don't show it as it will make many ppl who r concerned abt u feel sad (provided the thing is not too significant that it should not b disclosed to ur close ones).

one sms said:
smile in ease
smile in pain
smile when trouble
pore like rain
smile whn someone hurt ur feeling
smiles you know are very hailng

at last i'll say that "a smile is a curve that sets everything straight".
so KEEP SMILING!!!!!!!!

THE GOD OF SMALL THINGS

during vacations i read "the god of small things" ...a very slow story told in a really exciting way..
the story deals with very numerous small incidents n comments which do not seem important but may ve a gr8 impact....




deeply obsessed by the message the book conveys,i decided 2 give a vent 2 my thoughts..




we overlook a number of small things of joy n sorrow while following big things...busy in this materialistic world 2 earn luxuries n comforts we forget that lyf is there 2 b lived every moment with good and/or bad times at their turns..


we strive hard 4 happiness but usually happiness is around us...bas woh nazarein chahiye..
kuchh chhotti par motti baatein hamesha yaadgaar ban jaati hain..jo baad mein bhi humein kahin na kahin support karti hain..
hum mein se kitne hi logon ne khul ke baarish ka mazaa liya hoga..bahut honge.magar tym ke saath hum bhool jaatein hain ki nature mein aisa bahut kuch hai dat makes us feel relaxed n comfortable..
the main thing is how u see lyf n how much contented u r with what u have....



i received an sms dat really impressed me...



HAPPINESS IS LYK BUTTERFLIES
IF U RUN AFTER THEM,THEY FLY AWAY
WHEN U DO NOTHING, THEY SILENTLY COME N SIT ON UR SHOULDER
WISHING U A LOT OF BUTTERFLIES IN LYF
SSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! DON'T MOVE....